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In recent years, Shrikanth’s life in Kagepura village, Karnataka, has become increasingly isolated. The 37-year-old from Mandya district has distanced himself from friends, village events, and festive gatherings. These steps are to shield himself from the shame and stigma associated with being unmarried.
Despite owning about two acres of land, Shrikanth has not been able to find a bride. Every woman and their families he has met have rejected him because he is a farmer. “I have seen at least 40-50 matches from friends and relatives over the past 10-15 years. Women are looking for someone with a stable monthly income that farming cannot offer,” he said.
Shrikanth feels trapped in his profession and financial condition. “I cannot stop being a farmer. Nor am I educated in software engineering to be able to seek a job with an MNC as women prefer. I am stuck,” he said.
Meanwhile, younger people or friends who migrated for education and later started working in Mysuru or Bengaluru are married, have children, and have become part of the social ecosystem.
Like Shrikanth, there are at least 20-25 bachelors in every village with a population of 2,000-2,500 who are single and unable to find a bride. When Down To Earth (DTE) approached farmers recently, most were unwilling to speak due to shame and felt that discussing marriage was a waste of time.
Pavan from KM Doddi village told DTE that attending social gatherings alone is embarrassing when people talk about their wives, children, and future plans. “We feel disconnected and not part of the group. Often, elders inquire, taunt, or pass comments that become awkward. This only adds to the stress and anxiety,” he added.
Farmers said they often face stigma from fellow villagers for not being able to marry or for being a ‘burden’ on their parents. A few farmers that DTE spoke to said that continuous rejection not only demoralises them but adds to their frustration. “We feel depressed, jealous about our friends having a family life of their own, and some even resort to addictions such as alcohol,” said Shankar Nayak.
Nayak has seen about 25-30 potential matches over the past eight years.
Shivraj, from Chikati village, is 49 years old and owns one acre of land. He also faced similar issues during his younger days. “I saw 2-3 prospects, and things even went ahead to engagement dates. But soon the bride’s family learned about our financial condition and called off the match,” he said.
He immediately gave up on the idea of marriage and accepted that he would probably never find a woman with his financial and social background. Such a mindset of total despair has crept into almost every farmer who crosses 32-33 years of age, which is considered too old for marriage according to rural standards.
Post-COVID-19, things have become equally tricky for men, even those with IT jobs in metro cities. Thirty-two-year-old Praveen is an assistant manager at a reputed IT firm in Bengaluru. According to his close friend Manjunath, Praveen is handsome, earns a decent income, and is well-educated, ticking off all the criteria required for a man with a rural background to marry.
But there is only one hurdle preventing him from finding a bride: Praveen has no farmland or property. “It is the only reason why women and their families have been rejecting him,” Manjunath said, adding that Praveen has faced at least 12-15 rejections to date.
Praveen, who belongs to the Vokkaliga community and is a native of Sadenahalli village in Bengaluru district, has been facing rejections for the past two years.
Farmers said that finding potential matches often demands time and money. These matches come through a broker who charges about Rs 2,000 to 5,000 depending on the financial condition of the two parties. If the families decide to go ahead, the broker can charge up to Rs 1,00,000 from each family.
Nagaraj from Chikati village said that spending so much money for each prospect only to be rejected is a waste of time and money. “It is a huge amount for us,” he said.
Frustrated and in despair, these farmers said they keep wondering what they could have done to change their current situation. “Maybe we should have studied more, moved to the city for education, or started a business in an urban area,” said Nayak.